Does it seem as if the world has collapsed all around you? All hope of future happiness is lost. Fear not -- you will get through this time of chaos and despair. However, how quickly and unscathed will have a lot to do with your personal attitude.

When your lifes seems to be in chaos, it is easy to allow yourself to become overwhelmed– get sucked into a black hole of despair. I know from personal experience. But, as a single Dad, you now have two immediate priorities in your life:

1. taking care of your children
2. taking care of yourself

The first one seems obvious—your children need you to ensure they are kept healthy and safe, to reassure them that they are still loved, and that everything will be OK. However, the second one may not seem like a priority. Don't be fooled. It is EQUALLY as important as the first!

Especially if you have just recently become single, taking care of yourself is critical! Until you are emotionally and physically stable, you will not have the energy or endurance to provide the support your kids require. Think about it ...

One of the secrets is to take an inventory of all the positive aspects still in your life, and to keep everything in perspective. Here are some activities and thoughts to ponder ...

Taking Inventory:

Economic ...

• Create a budget for yourself. Look at all the income you bring home each month, then list all your expenses. These should be broken down into "Fixed" (committed to pay, such as leases, rent, basic groceries, child support, daycare, etc.) and "Variable" (discretionary expenses, such as entertainment & luxury items or foods). This can be quite depressing, but is a necessary step. This will allow you to determine how much, for example you can realistically afford to pay for basic items such as rent. Be prepared to give things up items you may have come to take for granted.

• Determine your assets. Do you have any savings or investments? You may need to cash some of these in, in order to furnish your new living quarters, make a down payment on a house, or even pay your taxes.

• Examine your skills. If it looks like your expenses are going to outstrip your current income, you have two choices: cut your expenses, or earn more money. Unfortunately, reducing your expenses is not always an option. Take inventory of all your skills. Chances are you are able to do something people would pay you to do. Turn these skills or knowledge into other streams of income: look for people or companies to hire you, or even start a small business.

Physical / Mental ...

• Keep positive. A positive mental attitude will always pay dividends. It is hard to recognize opportunities when you are depressed or feeling low.

Social (friends & family) ...

• Take inventory. Although you may have lost friends and family as the result of your divorce or separation, don't dwell on them. Instead, think about all the people you STILL know, and can call upon for emotional, spiritual, or financial support.

Spiritual ...

• Relax & re-connect. This can be different for different people. For me, re-connecting to an inner peace is achieved through communing with nature, or reading uplifting books and literature. There is something about walking along a forest path, the wind softly rustling the leaves, the sound of birds filling the air, maybe water lapping at the shoreline—it's very relaxing and centering. Take time to "escape" from your worries, and do something that will bring you a sense of calmness. Yoga, meditation, reading, walking -- the method doesn't matter, it's making the time to do it that counts.

• Find the beauty in things around you. Look around you as you carry on your daily routines. Look for beauty in the things and people around you. It might be the particular colour of the sky, or flowers in a shop window. It could be the innocent smile of a small child. Allow beauty to enter your life. By acknowledging it, you will begin to feel both calmer, and stronger.

Keeping Your Perspective:

Starting over again, and rebuilding your life as a single Dad is often a long process. Of course it depends on the resources you brought with you from your former marriage. However, for many, it will take several years to even begin to approach the former security and comfort you had achieved before.

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, Stephen Covey describes four distinct stages in which families can find themselves:

Survival
Stability
Success
Significance

While in his book, he describes how these stages relate to larger "complete" families, the same framework can be applied to your journey, as a single Dad. After all, you and your kids are still a familiy... just a slightly smaller one! See if you can relate or recognize the stage you are in today ...

Survival:

• You are primarily concerned with basic needs such as providing food, shelter, and decent living conditions for you and your family.
• You are in "survival" mode. Your life is filled with uncertainty.
• You may even feel that you are a victim of circumstance or other people's injustice.

Stability:

• While things are better, and you are surviving, you still have a sense of disorganization in your life.
• You may feel trapped in your current situation or circumstances.
• As you begin to organize your life, and set goals and problem-solve, hope begins to emerge.
• Home is just a place.

Success:

• You are achieving worthy goals you have set for yourself and your family. These may be economic (i.e. more income), mental (i.e. learning new skills), social (i.e. more time for family & friends), or spiritual (i.e. re-connecting with your beliefs & core values).
• Your life and family take on strong value and meaning
• You experience a strong sense of happiness.
• The focus us on better living, learning, loving, and the establishment of meaningful family traditions and rituals.

Significance:

• You and your family are involved in something meaningful outside your family, such as now helping or bring relief to others.
• You are focused on making a difference in your community.

What is the point of all of this? It is to remind you that you are on a journey, and your current situation is NOT necessarily your final destination.

By examining your life, you can take stock and identify all of the positive aspects in it ... identify the aspect(s) which need to change, and then make plans to achieve these goals.

Read the following quote to yourself...

"Today is the beginning,
of the rest of my life."

Now say it out loud—over and over, until it rolls off your tongue.

This little phrase is VERY powerful. It affirms that, regardless of how good or bad your life or current situation appear, each day brings you the chance to make positive changes in your life.

The good news is, that although things may seem bleak now, your life WILL get better ... and easier. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes—it is a gradual process.

Just remember to live your life one day at a time ... and remember:

"The sun will come up tomorrow."

... and ...

"Today is the beginning,
of the rest of my life."

Just as, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," (Lao Tzu), so does the rest of your life ... and you've already taken it by coming to this site.

Success and happiness will be yours!